Broken communication is a result of broken people. Understanding that opens our hearts to demonstrating peace toward our spouses. As much as I want to be the best husband I can be, I’m a sinner--and so is my wife. In the early years of our marriage, our angry reactions to conflict turned adversarial or hurtful. They should have been opportunities to learn about one another and grow in Spirit. Some of the biggest issues relating to poor communication include:
Bottling feelings instead of talking about them
Tone of voice that is angry or rude
Nagging
Ignoring
Passive-aggressive behavior
Being distracted by devices
Making assumptions
Feeling unheard
Not following through on agreements
Arguing to win instead of talking to problem solve
Name calling
Foul language
Texting instead of talking
Hearing but not listening
It’s a long list, but don’t despair, the Warrior’s Way has all the answers to all our communication triggers. Be impeccable with your words, body language and actions. What does impeccable mean? For me, and how I’m using it is: Doing the best we can, always. Notice, I didn’t say, we should yell, throw a fit, retreat and sulk, or gossip to others about our husbands or wives. When Dawn and I are in the middle of a disagreement, the Spirit often enters my thinking and prompts my heart with this question, “Kris, do you want to win, or do you want love to win?”
As much as we would like to point fingers and focus on how to fix our spouse, the truth of the matter is that we can only change ourselves. Broken communication begins: in our own hearts. The things we say, or don’t say, flow from our hearts. Dark heart. Dark words. Kind heart. Kind words. Resentful heart. Resentful words. Positive thinking. Positive communication.
The only way for a heart to be transformed is by committing to impeccability, the Warrior’s Way, and applying what we already know, deep down. When relationship triggers jostle us, whatever is in our hearts will spill out. If the Warrior attributes are deeply rooted in our hearts, then our natural responses turn supernatural. The only way we can breathe life into our spouses is if we are intentionally being transformed by the renewing of our minds through constant work with the Warrior’s Way!
A great starting point for couples who have broken communication is to choose a topic or two to focus on and allow impeccability to speak into your marriage with those, ‘do the best you can for the relationship,’ points in mind. Write them out and put them on display in your home or on the steering wheel of your car. Set a reminder on your phone with the communication goal you have in mind and the topic and impeccable solution you are dwelling on so that it pops up several times a day. We can’t do and say the same old things and expect a different result.
A happy marriage where communication thrives is a reward you can enjoy now, but the messages you send to one another supersede good communication. They convey your willingness to fulfill the eternal purpose of your life, to love yourself, your spouse and to love others.
Let’s Meditate: We have our impeccable instructions and know what to do. We are not helpless to know how to talk with one another. My husband/wife and I are not communicating in ways that show respect. We feel stuck! Great Spirit, please help us to communicate with loving-kindness. Let our hearts be so in tune with Your heart that our words, body language, tone of voice, and actions demonstrate our desire to communicate effectively. Great Spirit, I love my husband/wife. Do a good work in our marriage, opening up our ability to talk with one another in ways that make us stronger, not tearing each other apart. Thank you. In gratitude…Bow.
Warrior of Lite
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